Confessions!!

'Everything in moderation including moderation' said the wonderful, marvellous Julia Child and I have adhered to that motto ALL weekend.

I'm now sat wallowing in a sense of shame because I know when I step on those scales tomorrow morning I am not going to be happy with the result! I have four things to say........Damn my social life! (actually no....but for the purpose of this...bad social life!)

Ok Ok....let’s not get carried away with kicking oneself. Let’s just get it all out, get over it and move on.

It started with the wedding of my beautiful friends Sazzle and Hugh....and beautiful it was. A brief break in the torrential rain gave us the perfect wedding weather - we all had champagne to celebrate. The service went off without a hitch.....the vicar is an eccentric character typical of English village churches, slightly bonkers but also a delightful sense of humour as he suggested we all 'venture out to the churchyard and get to know each other', a wry smile and a slight eyebrow raise....I hope it wasn't just me that got the subtext of that one...Cheeky monkey!

Snap snap and the photos are done and we head off to the reception. Upon arrival we proceed straight for the wine and this....dear reader, this is where my resolve DISAPPEARS!!! We collect our drinks and set about catching up with friends, old and new, try to remain collected and look glamorous and by the time we're called into dinner we're 2 bottles down....good grief. (I have to add....it wasn’t just me drinking the wine, there were 2 other fools).

So we have the speeches....funny, a little emotional (the groom....could barely get his words out - sweet) and throughout we drink more champagne. We stand for about 45 toasts to the bride and groom, the bridesmaids and so on....more champagne. (I should also mention at this point....I am dreadful on champagne....we're talking REALLY drunk if I have too much! So far...I'm ok)

Dinner's next....it was a hot buffet so I'm thinking....this is good, I can pick carefully as low carb as poss. All the time pretending that alcohol is absolutely fine for weight loss!!

We get called through, we line up with our plates and I see it.......RICE, LASAGNE, POTATOES, FISHCAKES.....ok ok, no panic....I see salad. Salad I think..........this is not going to help me later when my entire system is awash with grape based drinks. So I opt for the fishcakes, salad and a small wholemeal roll (oh how I HEART bread).

Now..........as you are surely aware this is a pretty good choice only whilst we're having dinner I still seem to be drinking gallons of wine and by the time pudding comes around...........well frankly, all bets are off. Vanilla cheesecake with cream.....don't mind it I do.

The rest of the day passes in a haze of silly dancing and lots of laughing and .....more wine. When I finally get home I think....this is fine, I feel fine-ish, I will be fine....good night!

OH HOLY JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The mother of all hell had broken lose in my head. It was so horrifying I had to lie still and try not to breathe in case it made any part of my head move.

Problem 1 - my water glass had somehow moved from my bedside drawers to the kitchen which is MILES away....well it is when you’re on the brink of death from hangover! I knew I had to get to that kitchen and I need to get there soon. I crawled.......actually crawled through and finally found my saviour....which was about 49 litres of tap water. The first glass seemed to be soaked straight in my system via my tongue....as did glass 2, 3 and 4 but by glass 5 my mouth had seemingly found hydration again but the banging in my head was getting worse.

Problem 2 – NO PAINKILLERS!! Oh what fresh hell is this!??? As any Boots advert will tell you....all girls are prepared with pain killers but for some reason I was out....this only lead to one thing.......toast! It was medicinal and the only way I could see of getting vertical.

So I made toast...I made tea and headed for the sofa. I repeated this around lunchtime....cheese on toast this time and more tea.

I watched some appalling TV and then remembered....my car! It’s still at the bloody hotel....so I drag my sorry carcass to the shower...ring my partner in crime from the night before and we head off, hoping the influence of alcohol had worn off enough for the driving (I was ok...this was about 4pm).

I get home....having stopped off for some Pepsi Max and more carb therapy, get home and settle in for a night of Downton Abbey (hurrah), carb medication and self hatred!

I awoke this morning with something resembling a head back....only now I just felt sick from the sugar kicks and an over-whelming urgh to stand on the scales but NO....once a week, on a Tuesday is the scale action I’ll be getting.

I have spent today purifying.....water, water, water and a chicken salad for luncheon, dinner out tonight but without the booze the resolve will remain intact. Fingers crossed that tomorrow won’t be as hideous I think.

Things I have learnt this weekend.

1 – I have the best taste in drinking buddies
2 – Vino Blanco, Tinto and champagne do not make the best playmates
3 – Moderation is a word I do not understand.
4 – I will do it all again soon! (I never learn)

Anon Pickles xx