Rip it up and start again......

I think that’s how the lyric's go! That's what I have to do. This diet malarkey is a bloody pain....I never stick to it....EVER. I hate the way I look and feel and you'd think it would be enough to make me change but I just cock it up.

I'm not writing that for sympathy...that's the truth...really it is. So I need to take stock....think about what I REALLY want and then come back and do it.

See you shortly darlings....I'll be back!
xx

It’s all gone to cock!

So....4 weeks of being bang on plan, the Dukan way of life had become MY way of life. So WHYYYYYY have I spent this last week lazing around, eating crisps? I mean.....why?

I have no explanation actually.....usually a blip happens because something upsets the balance and when I say ‘something’ I usually mean a boy but since I’ve given them up for Lent (and forever) that’s the not the case.

Went to see the fam at the weekend. It wasn’t the usual carb/calorie fest as they are all on a healthy kick....we probably ate too much cheese but we’d been to Borough market and frankly it’s the LAW.

I don’t think that’s the cause either,  I’ve just had a total laze-out. I’m sure it’s some sub-conscious neurosis that I need 100 years of therapy to get over but I need to kick that to the kerb for now. I need to buck my ideas up....I lost a stone...a whole stone and I’ve probably gained a lot of that back (too embarrassed to even weigh myself!) I AM FURIOUS WITH MYSELF!!

So to counteract this fury I making myself go swimming tonight and so far I’m 100% on plan. Salmon fillet for dinner.

I apologise for being so slack... *smacks self in face* *wires jaw shut* *gives self a stern talking to*

xx

Cruising down the road...so far!

After week 2 of the Dukan plan and the first of my ‘cruise’ weeks I lost the total of 1lb.

Some might be disappointed after the first weeks loss but not me...I thought 12lbs was a bit extreme but to lose another whole lb was ace news.

The food has been slightly more exciting with the addition on veggies....ah the welcome return of lettuce at lunchtime!!

You have to do a rotation of protein only days and protein and veg days....I decided, well made a mistake by having 3 protein and veg days in a row so I followed up with 3 protein only days....are you with me, have you dropped off....Zzzzz! J Anyway, I think I’m going to alternate them...that way the no veg thing doesn’t seem so long.

I’ve also seemingly got my act together with the gym thing. Went a couple of times last week to the sweat box and then went for a lovely trundle with a pal and the dogs...see photo. Investigating the undergrowth J

I have also made a momentous decision....I’ve started swimming. This might not be momentous to many but for me, HUGE! Well HUGE in the fact that I couldn’t bear the thought of my HUGE carcass in a swimming cossy....I mean really, THE HORROR.  Anyway...I got a grip and went last night. To my utter joy and relief is was completely fine, I actually enjoyed it....lost count of the lengths we did, stopped for a half time steam and sauna and back in for more lengths.

Today the muscle pain is OFF THE SCALE but like they say ‘no pain, no gain’ and in a slightly odd way it’s a pleasant feeling. A feeling I’ve actually done myself some good .....yeay me! J

I did do the inevitable Saturday night drinking at the annual hat party....this was my effort.

Buy hat - search around house - find feathers and corsages - attach to hat - massacre thumbs with pins - drink the pain away. The best is that the booze didn’t seem to affect this week’s loss...I know I can’t rely on this every week though.

Anyhoooo...all in all. This is the start of something I feel great about.

Anon for now pickles xx

Apparently I Du-CAN!!!!

Week 1 of the Dukan diet done....which means the Attack phase is over and I can eat veggies again....who’d have thunk I’d miss veggies?? I started to get a craving for greens about Wednesday but I persevered.

I had a Saturday night without the demon drink which was just as good........mainly as all around me were spangled and hilarious but still....not so bad  but don’t get me wrong, it took ALL my will power not to have a glass of wine and I sort of felt like a bit of a killjoy (don’t worry, next Monday you’ll be getting a post about drunken antics of the annual hat party at king and queen T’s!)

So.....a summary of the week of attack on Dukan.

Basically I ate turkey and fish which is fine....I love both. Smoked salmon, prawns, mussels, baked trout, squid etc...I had it all. Occasionally having a bit of cottage cheese on the side and shock, horror and slice of gherkin (in the old days a treat was a Pringle - these days a SLICE of gherkin!)

To be honest the fact you can have oatbran, albeit a small amount was a real saving grace. I did as I was told and made a galette out of it with an egg and a smidge of Quark. Sometimes had it with lemon and splenda but the best was with smoked salmon! The galette comes out like an American pancake so I made smaller ones and topped it with quark and smoked salmon....hello cocktail party canapés, sans the Martini of course mores the pity!

Yes it is restricted, you do have to drink ALOT of water and the book says 20mins of exercise everyday which is hardly difficult and, how do I put this delicately? The loo issue isn’t so frequent but that’s why you HAVE to drink lots of water...flush out the crap so to speak........(Ewwww subject change immediately!)

BUT...there are massive benefits. I feel great, my skin is peachy, my hair has grown about an inch (exaggerations) and the weight loss is immense. So I hear you ask.....what was the total loss??

6 days of pure protein attack phase resulting in a 12lb loss. HOLY BABY CHEESES!!! 2lbs short of a stone! Huzzah!

So I now go onto the Cruise phase where you alternate pure protein and protein and vegetable days...this is the long slog bit. You follow this until you reach the weight desired....in about 12 years knowing my history but the book say I should reach it by the end of the year.

Well........let’s see how it goes shall we.....I’m off to get a celery stick *squeals* J

Anon pickles  

P.S. My Twitter pal Inge informs me that Dukan means 'you can' in Norwegian....ITS A SIGN!!!! J

Xx

Daily Weigh Ins........

They freak me out because my weight goes up and down like a yoyo but the Dukan man says I should weigh myself everyday for the 'Attack' phase (every time I say that I do a judo chop.....just me then!)

Well Tuesday I weighed in and I'd lost 6lbs and today it was 2lbs down! WHAT THE DEUCE?? 8lbs in 2 days....I fear my scales are amiss but STILL woohoo!

I do realise that the 1st week loss of any diet is mainly water but bloody hell....Severn Trent must be furious I was stockpiling that much.

Tis relatively easy so far....totally restricted but I feel far more in control (this is a good thing!). Food wise I’ve had chicken, turkey, yogurt, a smidge of cottage cheese and I did break yesterday with a ¼ of a gherkin spear (downward spiral). Also had I read the book properly I would have remembered you have to have 1 ½ tbs of oat bran a day. The book recommends you make a galette with it....a galette you say? A pancake? I’M IN!!!

You mix the oat bran with 1 egg, a bit of quark and some sweetener/or salt to taste and cook in a non stick pan....good for breakfast. Or you can make porridge with it or stir through yogurt, the idea being it fills you up and helps to keep you...*ahem* regular! (Ewwwwwwwwww!!)

Anyway.....that’s all I have to say.........so far so good.

Anon pickles....xx

Dukan or Du-can't

So as I said I needed a complete free week to get myself back into the zone....it’s here it’s finally here.

Today I start the Dukan diet...seriously I'm collecting fad diet points :-) But whatev's....I'll try anything to lose the lard that isn’t tablet or knife based.

I can't be hopped to explain the whole diet here....but it’s basically high protein, low fat....easy as that.

Now...some will say...blah blah...don't give up carbs and I blah blah back. If you’ve lost 6 stone and conquered the crappy head stuff that goes with it then you can tell me what I should do but in the meantime....shhhh! (oooh very stroppy aren't I and NO its not carb withdrawal!!)

The first 6 days (Attack phase) are pure protein with low fat dairy allowed after than veggies are added in. It seems quite strict but you know I think I need it....too much choice an all that might not be great for me. The whole point of this plan is to lose weight and gradually add carbs back in after a sustained period of weight loss but without the Atkins style high fatness (who needs more high fatness....seriously!)

Well....I have to admit the thought of eating poultry, meat, fish and low fat dairy (i.e. cottage cheese and 0% fat yogurt) for a whole 6 days is a bit odd but I’ve read loads of testimonials, done a lot of research and it seems it’s not as odd as I fear....I shall report back and let you know.

Today’s consumption so far as been a 0% fat cherry yogurt for breakfast, 12000 teas/sugar free squash’s (that’s normal) and a chicken breast, baked with some herbs and a couple of fat prawns. Dinner is in the future and it will be late as I’m going to see KT Tunstall but I’m going to make something.......chickeny!!

Anyway...Dr Dukan advocates you weigh yourself everyday when you do the pure protein Attack phase so as this morning weight was so traumatic lets hope I’ve lost a stone by tomorrow!! :-)

Anyhooo....anon picklets xx

Failed Again

I need to restart this fat loss journey. Back to square one again.

This week I shall attempt to keep the damage to a minimum as I have a conference, a wedding and a night out on Sat. (DAMN MY SOCIAL LIFE!)

p.s. Apologies for the tiny post but I just needed to get it down. I NEED TO START OVER and I need a good 2 weeks to get my groove on so from Monday 28th Feb I'm on it!


Pray for me peeps...........(and not in a god squad way....in a temple of Shiraz way) :-)

xx

A Realisation (Of Sorts)

Ok it’s been a couple of weeks since my last post and I've been trapped in a fug of alcoholic haze. Seriously peeps, after a successful January with no booze I've spent February hammered, I've lost and gained and lost the same 6 lbs almost every week...is that even possible??

Do I seriously need to consider I might have an issue with moderation? Probably....! Now I don’t wake up every day with the need to drink....worse I wake up still with the traumatic memory of the hangover that arrived on the Sunday morning, that’s enough to put me off until the following Saturday when I feel fantastic and you know what..’I totally fancy a glass of wine’ and so it begins!  The issue with moderation comes in with my inability to say no. ‘Can I top you up?’ ‘Fancy some pink champagne?’ ‘Another round?’ my answer to all of these questions is yes...yes...DOUBLE YES!

And herein lies my problem but this in itself isn’t the only problem. It’s the carb medication I do to aid recovery which when you’re trying to cut down on the evil bleeders is a bit of an issue and hence the losing and gaining the same SODDING 6lbs pounds.

Of course the remedy to this is STOP DRINKING. I have considered it and I did it in January but my god life was dull.

I’m not saying either that one needs booze to have fun but I’m 31, single and going out for dinner and drinks is the basis of my social life and that’s not going to change anytime soon. What I need to learn is self control, the benefit of moderation and frankly the word NO. Actually this could be assigned to most areas of my life!!

I’ve got a long way to go peeps...!

Anon for now xx

Week 3 Weigh In

It is a bloody miracle that I didn’t gain 5 stone this weekend.

Apparently diets don’t work it you don’t eat all day then drink in excess of a MILLION glasses of alcoholic substance. I say substance as I’m pretty sure that Sake is essentially turps!! (cosmopolitan I am not!)

I’ll set the scene.

Saturday night out with the King and Queen T and the birthday boy Le W (30....soooo old *coughs*), We head to a really great Japanese restaurant and commence a what I would like to call a sophisticated night out (I’ll point out here, I’d already fallen over, ripped my tights and ended up as flustered mess even before I’d left my house....CLASSY!).

We arrive and they seat us in the bar area we order drinks. “a large dry white please”. Sip one...oh my old friend, I’ve missed you....it was empty in 4.2 seconds.....NEXT!

The restaurant is a teppanyaki place which is THE BEST THING FOR DIETERS EVER. Essentially you sit round a steal hot plate which is hotter that the surface of the sun, reducing my cheeks to a colour only seen in a lab. We started with a bowl of miso, a small Japanese salad and sushi then the excellent comedy chef cooks steak, seafood, vegetables and rice which he packs into a bowl and throws at you. Thank GOD for my excellent catching skills....further red faced moments avoided.

The thing about Japanese food is it fits all diets, low carb, Slimming World, low GI...etc. Its cooked in seconds in hardly any oil....Oh and completely delicious!

Naturally we drank 45 glasses of wine, Queen T and I decide that Sake would be a really good idea....when in Rome and all that.

We chose a cold Sake, it comes in the cutest little cups from the cutest little bottle but doesn’t taste cute in any kinda way. (NB. Obviously this is personal taste and in no way meant as an offence at all). Safe to say it’s not my bag.....I took the taste away with more wine.

The nights progressing well, we head to a local pub and settle in till closing, then we head further into town in search of more merriment, clearly this takes the form of cocktails in coconuts (YEAY!!) somehow we have more wine and then Jack Daniels...I mean at what point didn’t I just STOP!??

Jeeeez....home, sleepytime...wake up. What form of seventh hell is this??

Remember, I’d not had a hangover since Christmas and it was truly awful. The remedy, a 2 hour shower, tea, DVD (an Alan Rickman fest!) and carbs.....A LOT OF CARBS and the less said about that, the better!

So week 3 weigh in arrives.....I sheepishly step on the scales waiting for it to scream.....1lb on. Wait....WHAT? 1lb....that’s IT? AMAZEBALLS.

I will buck my ideas up, make more miso (my new favourite thing) and crack on. Out on Sat with the girls and I shall pledge now I WILL NOT DRINK WINE (ha....as if!)

Have a great day picklets xx

Week 2 - The Result

So a week of gym action and healthy cooking I scored the grand total of.....................drum roll!!!!!

1lb off!!

To say I'm disappointed is an understatement.....totally bloody FURIOUS would be more apt. Now I know 1 off is better than 1 on, a loss is a loss and yes, yes I realise I’m on the right track but seriously HOW annoying after all that effort........I can gain 3lbs in a day yet it takes a week to lose 1lb.

Still working the no booze thing and cooking from scratch, had 2 meals out but was seriously angelic, a lot of salad at both.

I guess that there’s just no rhyme or reason to weight loss. I have to start believing that as long as I stick to the plan then I will at some point start to shift a decent amount of weight (please baby cheeses give me a pill so that I can wake up tomorrow slim!)

Anyway, anyway, anyway....I neglected to post this up last week. I made a beetroot risotto which was tres good. So I will take my moaning away and let you look at pictures of my Masterchef cooking! (Ha!)

Cubed beets. The shameles clashing of chopping board and knife! 

Rice and red onion having a mingle

Stock and beets added, I wanted it to be more pink though

The finished artical, was actually a lot better than it looks. I say YEAY for beetroot risotto

So there we go.....I did make the Thai noodle soup too but due to a rather dramatic raspberry suicide all over my lovely cream carpet I neglected to take a photo. The result....could have done better so I'll try it again this week.

So will blog again soon! Onwards and downwards Pickles xx

A New Week 1 result - 2011 stylee

Week 1 of the 2011 'New Me' challenge

6lbs off..........soooo eating a diet based solely around vegetables is essentially going to result in a good weight loss. Good good news chaps!

This week will hopefully be just as positive, probably won't lose as much but as long as it’s a loss then I'm happy. Will be trying out some new recipes too. A beetroot risotto, a new style mushroom soup, oh and I will make the Thai soup I neglected to create last week! I WILL!

I'll try and remember to take photos and do a blog post as and when....you lucky people, seriously, warn me when I'm actually about to bore you to death (if not already...eeek)

As its considered Blue Monday today in the real world, off we all pop to make ourselves a cuppa, tea always makes you happy, right? Course it does!!!

Have a good day peeps xx

Roasted Pepper Pasta Sauce REVELATION

Ok...this is a post about last night’s dinner.........AMAZEBALLS!!!! (If I do say so myself)

I was going to make the Thai noodle soup but I got back from the gym at 8:30pm and frankly couldn't be hooped so here's what I did -

Chopped up a red pepper, one onion, a spray of cooking oil and bunged it in, roasted it whilst I showered.

Dragged the blender from the back of the cupboard (proceeded to drop the git on my toes and hopped around screaming obscenities for a good 10 minutes) . After I recovered, I blended the veggies, chucked in some passata and a twist of S & P, heated it back up and mixed in some pasta spirals and topped with a scrapping of parmesan. It was ace...almost fat free, healthy and filling. A great post-bug infested sweat box, I mean gym dinner.

The only change I'd make is to add some garlic (I mean why I didn't to begin with is beyond me) but it was really ace.

So here's a pic......

Well....thats all. This week is going well.....PMA as they say :-)

xx

*Creeps In Sits Down And Hopes No One Notices I've Been Missing*

Ahem.......register call for the fat class. Kate? Here Miss....well, well, well, the wanderer returns.

And now we've got that over with I shall begin..........

Yes, I've been awol for a few months having a fat breakdown about my seeming inability to lose any lard, well actually not strictly true, I lost 8lbs in November but then spent December and the festive period piling it all back on...what fun! But now it’s crunch time I have to shift this and shift I will.

Main reason - Wedding of oldest pal in June, one is bridesmaid and I have to look at least vaguely presentable for photos that will last FOREVER!! Ok, ok it’s not the main reason, I'm sick of wearing fat clothes, shopping in fat shops and being generally disgustingly fat. I've mentioned my reasons in a previous post so I won’t dwell again as we all know them really. So I should just get on with blogging about weight loss and my journey (oooh so spiritual!!?)

So yesterday I started properly. back to work, back to the routine (which I have discovered I need) and back on plan.

I started with a measured portion of porridge made with skimmed milk. This was so delish (Wait...did I actually just say delish – I’m a disgrace!) I took some for lunch too...I know I know not ideal but I hadn't made it to the shops yet.

Had fruit and lots of water throughout the day and for dinner I made a creation of quorn, aubergine and pasta bake....would you like photos?? Course you would!!

Aubergines having a wee soak



The Quorn sauce, tomatoes, carrots, peppers, onions, garlic and a whole host of herbs and spices

The finished and rather high roast article

I think it actually needed more sauce, more passata next time or maybe a white sauce made from low fat phili and fromage frais (or somefink) stil, it was good and I clearly made enough for more portions so that this week’s lunches sorted.

I’m going to make soup this week too, found a fabulous Thai inspired chicken one so that’s next on the cooking rota.

Anyhoo........that’s the start and I hope to continue. GYM TONIGHT via the shops to purchase a new T-shirt, the other one is just obscenely snug...no dice!

Will post again soon (when I have something vaguely interesting to say)

Anon Pickles xx

Oh PMA works!!!

I did it...I lost 2lbs making it 8lb in total and that’s a lovely shiny half a stone lost!

Now.......I'm away in the frozen north this weekend on a hen weekend, which as we all know involves muchos booze and frivolity BUT considering the current weather patterns destroying our country I'm pretty sure I'll shiver off any extra calories. Still...if not I'll not beat myself up about, I'll put it down to a life lived properly! Hurrah.

Well........short post but my fingers are about to snap off in frozen agony!

Till next time pickles

xx

The Story of ‘Staying the Same’

The morale of today’s tale is ....try as you might ye shall fail (sometimes) BUT do not give up! Check me out...how positive but I can assure you this is NOT how I felt last night after week 3’s weigh in....the main reaction was ‘BUMS’!

So after a week of pretty much by the book dieting the grand result was.....nothing not a tiny ounce was lost. Yes, yes I know, nothing gained either but what a bloody ball ache. I was abstemious not a drop of alcohol passed my lips, food wise it was all angelic BUT and I’m going to whisper this...I didn’t make it to the gym once but we did do very vigorous shopping, well wandering around Blue Water!

The dreadful truth is dawning....if I want to shift four tonnes of lard I am going to having to get my groove on at the gym. This makes me want to cry a thousand tears and hid in a cupboard but I’m going to have to get a bloomin grip and bite the bullet.

There is a lady in my FC class who has lost 7 STONE in about 18 months...how insane is that and she did it with the addition of exercise so what more of an inspiration do I need...she’s right there in front of my eyes.

Maybe I need to picture her (not in a weird, creepy, stalky kind of way of course!) when I start to talk myself out of the gym. She said last night never in her wildest dreams would she have ever thought she’d have lost 7 stone and that’s sort of how I feel...I can’t even imagine it at the moment...it’s the mental equivalent of climbing Kilimanjaro but she has an answer for that....break it down into half stones, that’s 7lbs, I have 1lb to go for my first 7lbs so I will try and do that for next weigh in and then so on and on and on.......!

Last night I was totally in the buggerations mood, today though...I feel ok. The 7lbs thing has sorta struck a chord.

Well onwards and downwards Pickles xx

Week 2 - A Bit Meh!

Week 2 – 1lbs loss

The problemo is I wasn’t that thrilled with this. I know I know better off than on but I have 84 of them to lose and I’d like to lose most of them before the beginning of June, that’s in 26 weeks! To lose that much I need to average 3.2lbs a week and knowing my losing history that ain’t gonna happen peeps.

Ok, ok so I totally just flipped about the amount and the timescale and I think I need to readdress this SO.....what if I halve it. 26 weeks to lose 42lbs. That would be an average weight loss of 1.6lbs a week.....far more doable I think.

So 42 lbs that’s 3 three stone. That’s a lot, a vey lot and I would look 5000% times better in the bridesmaid dress, I’d feel great (obviously not as great as if I’d got my groove on earlier and then maybe I could be further down the journey but bygones!) and I realise half the battle of weight loss is the feeling you get when you achieve what you want.

Now I know that the first weeks loss will always be big...all about diet change and water loss (sciencey bits) etc. I had a very similar week to the first one, with the exception of a Saturday night out on the tiles, where I was practically angelic! I don’t think I’ve ever gone out and had three G & T’s the whole night in my life and the T’s were slim line at that. I was really conscious of not drinking too much, I actually achieved something I set out to do, space out the booze with water. I actually did it and the world did not collapse, I didn’t spontaneously combust from gin withdrawal, it was all ok. AND no hangover....praise be too little baby cheeses. So on the next drinking occasion I shall think along these lines and attempt the strategy and see how I fare....Ah wait, the next drinking occasion is a hen weekend.....MAYBE NOT!

I think that week one loss was mostly water and this week it’s actual fat....this is a good thing, this is how I need to look at it.

There is of course the elephant in the room............EXERCISE. Seriously, as the worlds laziest bint I really need to sort this out. Does walking round and round an enormous shopping centre on sat count as exercise?? That is totally the kind of exercise I can get on board with but I fear not. God damn it!

I will I will I will address this peeps.........I WILL!

Anyhoo....38 days to Christmas, I’ve hugely over-excited already...such a Christmas pusher!

And on that really annoying note....anon until next time Pickles x

The 1st Result

So week 1 back at fat club and it was a success. 5lbs off......45 gazillion to go!

There is something about being on a structured plan that I like, well when I say structured it’s in the loosest sense of the term, i.e. don't eat crap, don’t drink like a fish and generally you should lose. I think as a character I'm quite into routine, I like to know what I'm doing, I like a plan, I like (horror of horrors) a list and the FC diet fits into this category perfectly. There are lists of free food, lists of things to count and I get to write a list of what I plan to cook every day. This serves 3 purposes.

1.      Keeps me on track, what day is what

2.      Makes the weekly shop easy and cheaper (no sneaking in the ‘oh a really fancy that!’ things...unless its nail varnish or a book of course)

3.      Facilitates my need for control (maybe I really should talk to someone about this!?)

I also haven’t exactly stuck to the low carb thing either, I AM A LIAR AND A CHEAT AND NO ONE SHOULD READ THIS! I keep changing my story huh BUT in ones defence I’m trying my damnedest to lose this bloody weight, it’s an ongoing battle and if I find different ways of doing each week I’ll do it. The main point is as long as I lose weight.  I have a sneaking suspicion, garnered from years of dieting that low carbing is actually better for maintaining the loss, still on FC plan low carbing is an option so we shall see....don’t say I didn’t warn you about modification of mind. WAIT...this shouldn’t not compute within my ‘I like a plan’ lifestyle but whatev’s I’m a girl and it’s my prerogative (word up Bobby Brown) to change my mind!

This week is also the first weekend of a consecutive weekend party fest until Christmas. I am determined NOT to upset next week’s loss from one night’s drinking. I will stick to gin and slim-line, space it out with water and eat properly so I don’t get the marmite toast munchies at 2am. Up early(ish) on Sunday to take Oliver for a stroll and blow the alcohol webs away.

Anyway one’s mind set is positive and I hope this is the start of the decline (in weight and not mental health of course!)

Anon for now Picklets! xx

Day 1 (Again)

So last night I rejoined Slimming World...hence forth to be known as fat club or FC

I'm still going to proceed with the lower carb thing and luckily FC has a plan to allow that but mainly I need the structure of the weekly weigh in to get me back in the zone and keep me on track.

This is the first positive thing I've done in weeks (with regards to weight loss of course...I brought a new woolly cardi on Sat, that’s very positive!). As I drove home I felt lighter, less stressy about it and that in itself felt great.

I won't go into to the trauma that was the scales, safe to say I almost cried but I managed to control myself, nothing more unattractive than a chubs weeping, snotty, covered in mascara...ooof! It’s not a pretty picture anyway you look at it so I shall just say...this is the fattest I will ever be and do not intent on being here ever again.

So, when I escape from work, home I go to cook a Quorn chilli and some mushroom soup for lunch and will keep my podgy hand out of the biscuit tin. I HAVE to do this....HAVE to and I will.....8 months until one is a bridesmaid (for the 5^th time....always a bridesmaid...sob sob!) and I plan on not being the fattest member of the wedding party....only saying that, I will but I will be the slimmest fattest member...if you know what I mean! :-)

Anon for now lovelies xx

Still Here But Hiding

I can't write and talk about weight loss as I seem to have a mental block to both.

I've not written a jot since my last post as I think I'm still trying to get what I said right in my mind....what a massive drama queen...YES but all jokes aside I'm really, really struggling to get this started.

I have decided to start a walking challenge, I found it on the interweb whilst browsing weight loss (no not surgery or speed) and thought it might be a good place to start. It seems relatively innocuous (not too much effort, remember the lazy thing!). Starts off with a few 20min walks and increases as fitness increases.....I think even for the benefit of my mind, being outside for 20mins at least just walking will be valuable.....clear out all the crap from the day.

So I will keep trying to get a grip on myself and I will post properly once I’ve got it!

In the meantime these things are good....listen/read/buy them

Its FREE
The LOVELY Stephen
Joyous
I'm going to see her in Feb!! Woohoo
This WILL make your life better

Anyhoo....anon for now and I'll speak soon
xx

The 'Stakes'

So here’s the thing! I’m feeling an abject failure at my inability to lose weight and it’s not like I’ve only got a stone to lose...try 5. This should be relatively easy right. Sensible eating and exercise should do this. Only it’s not as easy, if it was there wouldn’t any fatties and we wouldn’t be having this discussion.

There is a load of head stuff going on that prevents, nay stops weight loss when it comes to me (actually a lot of overweight people will tell you there’s more going on that simply just eating too much). The only problem I have is that I don’t know what it is...the head stuff I mean.

I had an idyllic childhood, my parents were and still are the best people in the world, they have loved and supported me no matter what, they have never made me feel like I was anything but amazing. I grew up in a happy household, never had too much or too little, a village life that was straight from the pages of Enid Blyton. I had lots of friends, most of which I’m still friends with now...never bullied for being on the porky side, in fact I’ve never knowingly had any negativity towards me because of my weight (of course what said behind ones back....who cares!) but I still have this HUGE issue about weight. It’s painful to admit but it held me back from so much and still does.

I read somewhere that it helps to write down what you want from weight loss (a bit like the mental image from my last post) so I have thought about this for a few days and collected some thoughts together and prepared my ‘stakes’. Some are no brainers, some were more difficult to think about but I have to be honest about it. Writing this down makes it more real as opposed to just my mental thoughts in my head.

So here goes:

·         I want to be happy with photos taken of me. I spend 95% of my time untagging myself from FB photos (vain vain I know!)

·         I want to never worry about chairs with arms & airline belts

·         I would like to be able to put on tights without blacking out from the excursion! (This is pretty comic really, hoping round the bedroom on one leg....trapped!)

·         Three words – KNEE HIGH BOOTS, if only I could find some that fit my massive claves but tiny, tiny feet!

·         Another word  - Jeans. I want to look good in jeans, to be able to buy a pair that suits rather than ‘just fits’

·         I want to be in control of food

·         I want to stop feeling like a FAT person first and ME second in every situation

·         I want to stop walking past a shop window and thinking ‘blimey, hello lardy’ and realising its me – DOOM!

·         I want to improve my health and not to have a heart rate of 120 when all I’ve done is unloaded the washing machine (ok, slight exaggeration!)

·         I want to be confident – Not the fakey confidence I currently hide behind

·         (Arrgh hard one!) I want to start a new relationship. Single for 4 years since I was last slimmer in fact. I have become invisible!

·         Finally I want to stop thinking about being fat and losing weight constantly and kicking myself in the head when I fail!

Ok, so not pretty and I really think this stuff. Hideous....like I said, I have no idea where the self loathing comes from?

Still trying to get back on the diet track, the cold hasn’t helped but I know I REALLY want to do this.

Having dinner with the girls on Saturday eve. Main topic of conversation will be the upcoming wedding for L for whom I’m a bridesmaid. She has just announced her intention of a tone up (lucky cow.....not as if she even needs it! Ha) so I will fall on her mercy and suggest we do something together, I think I need an exercise director and she’s nothing if not pushy that one! The beast!!

Anyway......I have a half day so I’m off. Have a great weekend Pickles and sorry for the lack of funnies here. I just need to get it down.

xx